Sc. 5 LEIF stands under a tree. He is wearing a raincoat and boots. LEIF
REED enters, wearing the same.
I had to cross at Puttyville and
walk. With the bridge out, there’s
no other way. How about you?
LEIF opens his raincoat, revealing a pair of Speedos.
Damn. You could have drowned.
I did. But I banged my head on a
rock and came to at the last
I’m impressed, but also terrified.
I look at you, there in your
Speedo, and think now my chances of
dying have risen exponentially.
I wouldn’t say exponentially— but
definitely substantially. This is
no small task. We are rescuing a
Sector. We are rescuing a Region.
We are rescuing a Company. We hold
its fate in our talons. Now, if you
are not up to that task, you can
leave now, and resume your life of
quiet desperation. Of sticky notes
and cruising the Internet
mindlessly until the next pointless
phone call comes in.
They stand and stare at each other.
Who said anything about going
Good. Mackintosh should be here any
Amazing. And to think he is
LEIF puts a finger to his lips.
Shhhhh. He doesn’t know about that
part—if he did, I doubt I could
have convinced him to escape from
the locked ward at the hospital.
Couldn’t we have just visited him?
I thought you insisted.
Well, I insisted, too. We both
insisted. Insistence was a strong
theme in our discussion.
A man in a white hospital gown enters. This is MACKINTOSH.
Mackintosh. Good of you to come.
And how was the journey?
Delightful once I got beyond the
perimeter fence. It’s quite
invigorating being hunted. And fun.
They use live ammo!
Good man. Let’s commence with the
Let me draw you a picture.
MACKINTOSH takes a stick, and begins drawing in the mud.
I apologize if this is a bit off,
but my skull was crushed ever so
slightly on the left side.
MACKINTOSH points at the various shapes he has drawn in the mud.
These are the Japanese facilities.
This is the bridge over the Ki-Cho-
Wachee. And this is the Indian.
Chief Chief, I call him. The Chief
Chief. He has a proper Indian name
but I forgot it after my skull was
crushed ever so slightly on the
You mean the left side.
Well, actually both sides.
What about this Indian?
What about him? He’s key to this
Right, then. We’ll bribe him.
He doesn’t want money. He wants
love. He’s terribly lonely.
A shopping bag full of cash can put
love in a man’s heart. Rather
He’s very sad. The river is flooded
with his tears. It’s an attention-getting
So, let me get this straight.
Everything boils down to a
In a word, yes. The good news is
that if you just hang with him,
that can go a long way. Tell a few
jokes. Hold his hand. Just show
that you care. That’s what I was
doing. Until I fell off the bridge
and, you know, jiggled my brain.
Wow. But you seem okay.
I’m better than okay. I’m...
Several beats. He seems to have lost his train of thought.
Where can we find the Indian?
That’s going to be tough. He’s
But he wants companionship.
Yes, but not anybody. He’s picky.
He has high standards. He doesn’t
just hang out with anybody.
I can hang out with him.
I don’t think so. You’re not his
type. But, the tall fellow. He
might hang out with you.
Yes, you. You have a kind face. And
you’re quite tall. He’s partial to
Fine. Take us to the Indian. Reed
will soothe him with his kind face
and gangly physique. I will wait
I can’t come. Chief Chief thinks
I’m dead. That I died for him and
that I run with the Ghost Buffalo
now. It would be a shock and
frankly an anti-climax for him to
see me, alive, in a smock, covered
Right. Tell us where to go.
MACKINTOSH draws a complicated diagram in the mud.
And you want to go here. And then
there. And then here. And then
there, again. Do you follow?
I think so...
And following that, you want to go
here, by way of there, and back to
Great. We’re all set.
One last thing. Chief Chief may not
be an Indian.
Who is an Indian these days?
MACKINTOSH claws at his chest and collapses to the ground.
REED leans down, and MACKINTOSH whispers into his ear.
What did he say?
Something about it being Chili
Night at the hospital.
LEIF and REED stare down at MACKINTOSH, who is now stone still.
Look at him. He’s extremely dead.
Now he REALLY roams with the Ghost
Running around outdoors at all
hours in a drafty smock. He was
asking for trouble.
I feel bad. He’d be getting a
rubdown now and watching cartoons
if we hadn’t lured him out into
this cruel, cold world.
He died with his boots on. Or
rather, his smock on. That’s all
that matters. Now quick, let’s bury
him before the hounds and
REED and LEIF stand solemnly on either side of a large pile
Well, that will have to do. Who
knew the water table was so high in
It’s really kind of pretty. They
should bury more people under
I would like to say something.
I don’t think that would be a good
Have a heart, man. This is
Mackintosh’s sendoff. The only one
he’ll ever get.
Oh, I thought you meant say
something to the authorities.
LEIF clears his throat.
He was a good man and a loyal
servant to our firm. He made
Ambassador’s Club three times, and
Golden Circle twice. He was current
on all his credit cards. He loved
Do you think?
It’s a safe presumption.
Do you wish to say something, as
Mack, I wished I’d known you before
you were brain-damaged. I’m sure
you were much more coherent. I’ll
try to do you proud. And I’ll work
like hell to avoid your fate,
running around the countryside in
a dirty hospital dress, foaming at
the mouth, fleeing a vicious posse
That’s enough. Via con dios,
LEIF crosses himself.
Okay, Eagle. Time to soar. Let’s go
catch us an Injun.